I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
