Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
