Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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