too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
