remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
