I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
