Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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