How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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