I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
