I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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