You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
