i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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