guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize