you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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