Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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