Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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