If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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