If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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