I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Randomize