Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
