I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
