dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my liver is dry heaving
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize