Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
