It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
