Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
