He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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