So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your penis caused this!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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