loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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