Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
