i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
