Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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