DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dick very happy bro
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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