your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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