end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
