Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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