i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
