funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
