i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
