The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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