That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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