too bad you live with your parents still
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
