I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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