He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
