I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
