My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
