My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize