actually, I'm a sock model
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
