I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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