Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
