I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sext me about skeletons
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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