Having a random hookup so left but love u
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
