I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
