Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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