dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
