Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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