When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
