I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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