my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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