Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
