I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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