He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
