I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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