FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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