PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize