I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
