is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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