just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
