Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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