i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
