so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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