he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
