He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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