but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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