is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
