oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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