I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think your dad took our porno
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize