I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
