i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
