I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were trust falling into bushes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
