he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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