He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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